Fool Chapter 18

EIGHTEENKITTENS CLAWSWe entered Castle Gloucester in stealth, which does not suit me, as you might guess. I am better suited to entering a room with a serial publication of somersaults, a clack-stick, rude noise, and a top o the mornin to ye, tossers Im fitted out in bells and puppets, for fucks sake. All this sneaking and subterfuge was corroding on me. I followed the Earl of Gloucester finished a secret hatch in the s h ageing over and into a cut into that passed under the moat. We waded through a foot of cold water in the dark, making for a swash in my step as headspring as a jingle. Id never fit Drool through the n arrow passage, even if I could chase the dark with a torch. The tunnel candid through some other hatch in the floor of the gooeon. The earl took his leave in the very torture chamber w present I had met Regan.Im arrive at to arrange the passage for your master to capital of Delaware, fool. I understood cause a fewer servants who be align to me.I tangle in debted to the old piece for helping me into the rook, especially shewn his former icterus toward me. Steer clear of the bastard, your grace. I know he is your favored son, unless not rightly so. Hes a villain.Dont disparage Edmund, fool. I know your conniving ways. Only last evening he stood with me in stand firm against Corn palisades treatment of the king.I could tell Gloucester active the letter Id forged in Edgars generate, about the bastards plan to arrogate his brother, hardly what could he do? Likely hed storm into Edmunds quarters and the bastard would murder him on the spot.Right, whence, utter I. Be careful, my lord. Cornwall and Regan are a four-fanged viper, and if they should turn their venom on Edmund, you must let him go. Do not come to his aid, lest you, too, are scratched with poisonous pricks.My last true son. Shame on you, fool, state the earl. He scoffed and go out of the dungeon and up the stairs.I thought to prevail upon one god or other to protec t the old man, nevertheless if the gods were working in my favor, they would continue unbidden, and if they opposed, in that respect was no need to frosty them to my cause. It pained me, but I took off my shoes and hat and tucked them into my jerkin to still the bells. Jones had re principal(prenominal)ed moxie at the hovel with Lear.The laundry lay in the lower levels of the castle, so I made my way there first. The laundress with the aforementioned knockers of the smashing persuasion was hanging a basketload of shirts by the fire when I entered.Wheres Drool, extol? I asked.Hidden, she say.I know hes bloody hidden, otherwise asking would hold in been superfluous, wouldnt it?Just want me to give him up, so? How do I know youre not out to kill him? That old knight who brought him here said not to let anyone know where he was. entirely Im here to get him out of the castle. livery him, as it were.Aye, you say that, but Listen, you bloody tart, give up the gitEmma, said the lau ndress.I sit down on the hearth and rested my head in my hands. Love, Ive spent the night in a storm with a witch and two raving nutters. Ive a brace of wars to see to, as well as the summary violation of two princesses and consequent cuckolding of a pair of dukes. Im heartbroken, aggrieved for the loss of a friend, and the grand drooling lummox that is my apprentice is evidently wandering the castle in search of a mortal dressing table wound. Pity a fool, love another non sequitur may dash my brittle sanity to splinters.My name is Emma, said the laundress.Im right here, Pocket, said Drool, standing up in the great cauldron. A pile of laundry on his head had been concealing his great empty melon as he lurked in the water. Knockers hided me. Shes a love.You see, said Emma. He keeps calling me Knockers.Its a compliment, love.Its disrespectful, she said. My names Emma.I will never understand women. The laundress, it would seem, dressed in a manner that accentuated, indeed, celebrate d her bosoms a tightly cinched waist exciteing bits up until they bloomed out of a swooping neckline besides a chap notices and the swearingy takes offense. I will never understand it.You know hes a nail nitwit, dont you, Emma?Just the same.Fine. Drool, apologize to Emma for saying how smashing her knockers are.Sorry about your knockers, said Drool, bowing his head so his laundry hat dropped gage into the drink.Satisfied, Emma? I asked.I suppose.Good. Now, do you know where Captain Curan, the commander of tycoon Lears knights might be?Oh yes, said Emma. Lord Edmund and the duke consulted me this morning on all the military matters, as they are wont to do me being a laundress and having access to all the best bloody maneuver and strategies and the lot.Sarcasm will make your tits fall off, said I.Will not, said she, her work up liberation to a support position.Its a known fact, I said, nodding earnestly, then assureing to Drool, who also nodded earnestly and said, Its a kn own fact, note for note in my voice.Thats bloody spooky. Emma shuddered. You lot canister get out of my laundry. very(prenominal) well, then, said I. I motioned for Drool to climb out of the cauldron. I thank you for looking after the Natural, Emma. I wish there were something I could Kill Edmund, she said.Pardon?The son of a guild builder were going to marry me before I came to work here. A respected man. Edmund took me against my will and bragged about it in the village. My lad wouldnt hold up me then. No one worth his salt will have me, except the bastard, and him whenever he wants. Tis Edmund who commanded that I wear this low frock. Says hell furbish up me out with the pigs if I dont give him service. Kill him for me.But lass, Im further a fool. A clown. A small one at that.Theres more to you than that, you black-hatted rascal. Ive seen them wicked stickers at your back, and I can see whos pulling the strings round this castle, and it aint the duke or the old king. Kill t he bastard.Edmund beated me, said Drool. And she do have smashing knockers.DroolWell, she do.All right, then, said I, taking the laundresss hand. But in time. Weve things to accomplish first. I arched over her hand, kissed it, then turned on my heel and padded barefoot out of the laundry to send history.Heinous fuckery, Drool whispered to the laundress with a wink.I hid Drool in the gatehouse among the heavy arrange that I had used for my escape when I pursued Lear into the storm. Getting the lummox up on the wall and to the gatehouse undetected was no small task, and he go forth a dripping trail on the collierys until we gained the castle exterior, but the guard was light in the tempest, so most of the way we went across the top of the walls unseen. My feet felt as if theyd been set in ice by the time I came back in to a fire, but there was no other way. Drool in the tight space of the secret tunnel, with his fear of the dark was not something I would wish on an enemy. I found a woolen blanket and wrapped the lout in it to await my return.Guard my shoes and my satchel, Drool.I made my way, dodging from corner to cranny, through the kitchen, to the servants entrance into the great manse, hoping I might get a moment with Regan there. The halls massive open fireplace would be an enticement for the princess on much(prenominal) a frigid day, for as much as she took to the activities of a dungeon, she was drawn to heat like a cat.Because Castle Gloucester had no curtain wall, even the great hall was fitted with arrow loops, so the edifice might be defended at all levels from an attack by water. The arrow loops, era shuttered, were notoriously drafty, so arrases40 were hung over the alcoves against the wind the perfect place for a fool to watch, warm himself, and find his moment.I slipped into the room behind a brace of serving girls and into the alcove nearest the fireplace. She was there, by the fire, in a heavy, hooded, black fur robe, single her fac e revealed to the world.I pulled the tapestry aside and was about to call to her when the latch was thrown on the halls important doors and the Duke of Cornwall entered, wearing his usual finery with the red lion upper side on his chest, but more pointedly, Lears crown the one the old man had thrown on the table that fateful night at the White Tower. correct Regan seemed startled to see it on the head of her husband.My lord, is it prudent to wear the crown of Britain when our sister is still in the castle?Right, right, we must keep up appearances as if we dont know that Albany raises an army against us. Cornwall took the crown off and hid it under a cushion by the hearth. I am to meet Edmund here and lay a plan for the dukes undoing. One hopes that your sister can be kept out of harms way.Regan shrugged. If she throws herself under destinys hooves, who are we to save her brains from being pulped?Cornwall took her in his arms and kissed her passionately.Oh madam, thought I, push him away lest you debase your lovely lips with villainy. Then it occurred to me, and perhaps rather later than it should have, that she would no more sagaciousness villainy than a garlic eater will taste the stinking rose on another. The lady had evil on her breath already.Even as the duke held her tight and professed his adoration of her, she wiped her mouth on her sleeve behind his back. She pushed the duke away when the bastard Edmund entered the hall.My lord, said Edmund, only nodding to Regan. Our plans for Albany must be delayed. hold off at this letter.The duke took the parchment from Edmund.What? said Regan. What, what, what?France has landed forces. He knows of unrest between ourselves and Albany and has hidden forces in coastal cities all over Britain.Regan snatched the parchment out of Cornwalls hand and read it for herself. This is communicate to Gloucester.Edmund bowed in false contrition. Aye, milady, I found it in his closet and brought it here as soon as I saw i ts contents.Guard called Cornwall. The great doors opened and a soldier looked in. Bring me the Earl of Gloucester. Give no conformation to his title, he is a traitor. I looked for a way back to the kitchen, to perhaps find Gloucester and warn him of the bastards treachery, but Edmund faced the alcove where I was hiding and there was no getting out undiscovered. I opened the shutter to the arrow loop. Even if I could manage to wiggle through it, the wall was a bluff drop to the lake below. I palmed the shutter closed and latched it.The latch on the main doors clanked again and I returned to the rift between the wall and the tapestry, from which I saw Goneril enter, trailed by two soldiers who held Gloucester by the arms. The old man looked as if he had given up already and hung between the soldiers like a drowned man.Hang him, said Regan, play to warm her hands by the fire.What is this? said Goneril.Cornwall handed her the letter and stood looking over her shoulder while she rea d.Pluck out his eye, she said, making an effort not to look at Gloucester.Cornwall took the letter gently from her hand and rear his hand on her shoulder in brotherly support. Leave him to our displeasure, sister. Edmund, keep our sister conjunction and see her safely home. Lady, tell your duke we must unite against this foreign force. Well send dispatches quickly between us. Go now, Earl of Gloucester, you do not want to see the dealings with this traitor.Edmund couldnt conceal a smile upon being addressed by the title he had lusted after for so many years. I will, said Edmund. He offered his arm to Goneril, who took it. They started out of the hall.No said Regan.Everyone stopped. Cornwall stepped between Regan and her sister. Lady, now is the time when we must all be unify against the foreign power.Regan gritted her teeth and turned back to the fire, waving them away. Go.Edmund and Goneril left the hall.Bind him to that chair, then leave us, Cornwall commanded his soldiers.They tied(p) the old earl to a heavy chair and stood back.You are my guests, said Gloucester. Do me no foul play. noisome traitor, said Regan. She took the letter from her husband and threw it in the old mans face. She grabbed a pinch of Gloucesters beard and yanked it out. The earl yowled.So white, and such a traitor, she said.I am no traitor. I am loyal to my king.She pulled another pinch from his beard. What garner do you have late from France? What is their plan?Gloucester looked at the parchment on the floor. I have only that.Cornwall charged up to Gloucester and pulled the old mans head back by the back of his hair. Speak now, to whose hands have you sent the lunatic king? We know youve sent him aid.To Dover. I sent him to Dover. Only a few hours ago.Why Dover? said Regan.Because I would not see your cruel nails pluck out his old eyes or your sister tear his flesh with her boarish fangs. Because there are those who would care for him there. Not put him out in the storm.He lies, said Regan. Theres a smashing torture chamber in the dungeon, shall we?But Cornwall would not wait. In a second he was sitting astraddle the old man and was take away his thumb into Gloucesters eye socket. Gloucester screamed until his voice broke and there was a sickening pop.I reached for one of my throwing daggers.The main door to the hall cracked and heads popped up in the stairwell from the kitchen.Why Dover? said Regan.Thou carrion raspberry said Gloucester with a cough. Thou she-devil, Ill not say.Then youll not see light again, said Cornwall, and he was on the old man again.I would not have it. I drew back my dagger to cast it, but before I could, a band like ice encircled my wrist and I looked to see the girl ghost right beside me, staying my throw, in fact, paralyzing me. I could move only my eyes to look back on the horror playing out in the great hall.Suddenly a boy brandishing a long butcher knife ran out of the kitchen stairwell and leapt on the duke. Cornwall stood and tried to draw his mark, but could not get it clear of the scabbard before the boy was on him, plunging the knife into his side. As the lad pulled back to stab again Regan drew a dagger from the sleeve of her robe and plunged it into the boys neck, then stepped back from the disperse of blood. The boy clawed at his neck and fell.Away Regan shrieked, waving the dagger at the servants in the kitchen stairwell and the main door and they all disappeared like frightened mice.Cornwall climbed unsteadily to his feet and plunged his sword into the boys heart. Then he sheathed his sword and felt his side. His hand came away bloody.Serves you right, you scurvy vermin, said Gloucester.With that Cornwall was on him again. Out, foul jelly he shouted, take away his thumb into the earls good eye, but in that instant Regans dagger snapped down and took the eye. Dont trouble yourself, my lord.Gloucester passed out then from the pain and hung limp in his bonds. Cornwall stood and kicked the ol d mans chest, knocking him over backward. The duke looked on Regan with adoring eyes, filled with the intensity and affection that can only come from watching your wife dirk another mans eye out on your behalf, evidently.Your wound? said Regan.Cornwall held his arm out to his wife and she walked into his embrace. It glanced across my ribs. Ill bleed some and it pains me, but if bound, itll not be mortal.Pity, said Regan, and she plunged her dagger under his sternum and held it as his hearts blood poured over her snowy-white hand.The duke seemed somewhat surprised.Bugger, he said, then he fell. Regan wiped her dagger and her hands on his tunic. She sheathed the blade in her sleeve, then went to the cushion where Cornwall had hidden her fathers crown, pulled back her hood, and fitted it on her head.Well, Pocket, said the Duchess, without turning to the alcove where I was hidden. How does it fit?I was somewhat surprised (although somewhat less so than the duke).The ghost released me then, and I stood behind the tapestry, my knife still poised for the throw.Youll grow into it, kitten, said I.She looked to my alcove and grinned. Yes, I will, wont I? Did you want something?Let the old man go, I said. King Jeff of France has landed his army at Dover, thats why Gloucester sent Lear there. Youd be wise to set a camp farther south. Rally your forces, with Edmunds and Albanys at the White Tower, perhaps.The great doors creaked and a head peeked in, a helmeted soldier.Send for a physician, Regan called, trying to sound distressed. My lord has been wounded. Throw his attacker on the dung heap and cast this traitor out the front gate. He can smell his way to Dover and his decrepit king.In a moment the chamber was filled with soldiers and servants and Regan walked out, casting one last look and a sly smile to my hiding place. I have no idea why she left me alive. I suspect its because she still fancied me.I slipped out through the kitchen and made my way back to the gateho use.The ghost stood over Drool, who was cowering under his blanket in the corner. Come on, you lovely brute, give us a proper snog.Leave him be, wisp said I, although she was nearly as solid as a mortal woman.Balls up41 your whipping murdering for the day, did I, fool?I might have saved the old mans second eye.You wouldnt have.I might have sent Regan to join her duke in whatever hell he inhabits.No, you wouldnt have. Then she held up a religious finger, cleared her throat, and rhymed When a second siblings base derision,Proffers lies that cloud the vision,And severs ties that families bind,Shall a madman rise to chip in the blind. Youve said that one, already.I know. Bit prematurely, too. Sorry. I think youll find it much more relevant now. Even a slow git like yourself can solve the riddle now, I reckon.Or you could just fucking tell me what it means, said I.Sorry, cant do it. Ghostly mystery and whatnot. Ta. And with that she faded away through the stone wall.I dinna shag the gh ost, Pocket, wailed Drool. I dinna shag her.I know, lad. Shes gone. Get up now, weve got to monkey down the lift bridge chains and find the blind earl.